Everyone loves to romanticize the newborn stage. They tell you about the sweet baby smell, the tiny fingers wrapping around yours, the magical bond between mother and child.
But let's be real for a second.
The newborn stage is hell.
It's exhausting, messy, frustrating, and filled with more bodily fluids than I ever thought possible. It's a time when your body is wrecked, your mind is fried, and your entire life revolves around a tiny, screaming human who couldn't care less if you haven't slept in three days.
So, let's talk about it. Let's talk about the real newborn experience the shitty parts, both literally and figuratively.
The Sleep Deprivation That Feels Like Torture
Everyone warns you that you won't get much sleep. But what they don't tell you is that it's not just about losing sleep, it's about your body and mind being pushed to their absolute limits.
This isn't just tired. This is a new level of exhaustion that makes you question if you'll ever feel human again.
It's waking up every 45 minutes, stumbling to the crib like a zombie, trying to keep your eyes open while the baby nurses or drinks a bottle.
It's staring at the ceiling at 3 AM, crying because you just closed your eyes and now the baby is screaming again.
It's feeling physically ill from lack of rest, snapping at your partner for breathing too loudly, and resenting the fact that they somehow get to function like a semi-normal person while you feel like you're losing your grip on reality.
And the worst part? No one can prepare you for this level of exhaustion. It doesn't matter how many people tell you, Sleep when the baby sleeps (which is the most useless advice of all time, by the way). Until you live it, you have no idea how bad it is.
The Poop: Everywhere
There is no way to prepare for the sheer amount of poop that comes out of something so small.
Explosive diapers that defy the laws of physics.
Poop up the back, out the sides, in their hair, on you.
Diapers that somehow leak no matter how perfectly you put them on.
Blowouts that happen at the worst possible moments like in the car, on your lap, or right after you just changed them into a cute outfit.
And then there's the consistency change because breastfed poop and formula poop are two completely different beasts. And just when you think you've gotten used to it, they start eating solids, and things get even worse.
You will get poop on your hands.
On your clothes.
On your couch.
You will question your life choices when you're scrubbing baby poop out of a car seat at midnight, wondering how the hell it got in all those little crevices.
And that's just the literal shitty part.
The Crying That Breaks Your Soul
Newborns cry. A lot. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes for hours.
And let me tell you nothing messes with your mental health quite like listening to a baby scream nonstop when you've tried everything to calm them down.
You fed them. Changed them. Burped them. Rocked them. Swaddled them. Held them in every possible position. Played white noise. Bounced them until your arms felt like they were going to fall off.
And they still cry.
Sometimes, you'll cry right along with them. Sometimes, you'll have to put them down and walk away for a minute just so you don't completely lose your mind.
And then comes the guilt. Because everyone tells you to cherish these moments, and all you want to do is scream, How the hell am I supposed to cherish THIS?
The Breastfeeding Struggle (or the Formula Guilt)
Breastfeeding is not always this beautiful, natural experience that people make it out to be.
For some, it's cracked nipples, clogged ducts, bleeding, latching issues, and feeling like a human milk machine with no break. It's cluster feeding sessions where you're stuck on the couch for hours while your baby sucks the life out of you (literally). It's questioning if you're making enough milk, if they're getting enough, if you're failing them somehow.
And if you go the formula route? Here comes the guilt.
People will make comments. You'll see the judgmental posts online about breast is best. You'll feel like you have to justify why you chose formula even though fed is best, and a happy, sane mom is just as important as how the baby gets their food.
No matter what feeding choice you make, there's stress and pressure, and none of it is fair.
Your Relationship Takes a Hit
If you think having a baby will bring you and your partner closer together, think again.
You're both exhausted, overwhelmed, and trying to adjust to a completely new life.
Little annoyances turn into big arguments.
You start keeping score who got more sleep, who changed more diapers, who is doing more.
Intimacy? Ha. The thought of being touched one more time after a day of holding a baby is enough to make you want to scream.
Resentment creeps in, and suddenly, the person you love feels more like a coworker than a partner.
It takes work to survive this stage together. And some days, it feels like the love that once felt so strong is barely hanging on.
The Identity Crisis
You knew having a baby would change things, but nothing prepares you for how much you'll lose yourself.
Who am I outside of being a mom?
Will I ever feel like me again?
Why does everything that once made me happy feel so far away?
You look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself. You feel trapped in a cycle of feed, change, sleep, repeat, with no break, no escape.
Your hobbies? Nonexistent.
Your friendships? Fading.
Your career? On hold or completely different.
Your body? Unrecognizable.
And even though you love your baby more than anything, you still grieve the person you used to be.
And Yet
For every shitty part, there are those little moments that somehow make it almost worth it.
The way they look at you like you're their entire world.
The first sleepy smile.
The tiny fingers gripping yours.
The way their body relaxes when you hold them, as if they know they're safe.
You live for those moments. Because without them, the newborn stage would be completely unbearable.
But here's the truth that no one wants to say out loud:
You can love your baby more than anything in the world and still hate this stage.
You can be grateful and exhausted.
You can be in awe and miserable.
You can love your child and mourn the life you had before.
And that doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you human.
So if you're deep in the trenches of the newborn stage, barely hanging on just know you're not alone.
This stage is hard. It's brutal. And anyone who says otherwise is either lying or has blocked it from their memory.
But it won't last forever. One day, the fog will lift, the exhaustion will ease, and you'll start to feel like yourself again.
Until then, just survive. One shitty diaper at a time.
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